fear

Dark.
It's so dark I have to sit because I can't see where I am walking. It's a risky task sitting, and I hesitate for a while, crouching down real low to touch the ground with the tips of my fingers to make sure the ground isn't squishy...or crawling...

It may seem like things couldn't get worse, but sitting on something like an ant hill or on a pile of snakes could make things significantly more uncomfortable. I'd have to sit there for a long time.

Sitting is probably a good idea. Even if I sit on snakes or ants. I shouldn't be walking in the blinding darkness. I could easily walk over a cliff and not know it.

Sound is what attracts them. If I sit real quiet, maybe they will pass me by. I don't know where I am. I don't know how to get home. If home still exists.

I feel dirt. Cold lifeless, grainy dirt. Better than mud.

After sitting, I still can't see anything or anyone, but I hear things. Maybe they're real. Maybe they're not. I hold still. Mostly I hear scratching. I don't know from where or from whom. And chewing noises. Really creepy chomping sounds, like something is tearing through meat with their teeth.

Crying seems like a good idea. I let myself do it until I hear a short scream. Someone is running. They are breathing hard, and then they fall (or are pushed) into a bush with a yelp. Growling. Rustling. More growling. And then the chomping is louder and closer than ever.

Crying is too noisy. I cover my mouth and tell myself to not cry. I try my best to stop shaking too. I want someone to hold me so the shaking will stop! After all, I'm just a kid. What could I do if it came after me next? I can't see. I can't run. It's better to hold still and try not to cry. It's probably my only tactic of survival.

June

Sunny skies
and painted sunsets.

Cool grass
between my toes

Summer warmth
resting
on my neck and back.

Energy
and sleepiness
exist
at the same time,

Mostly content
with a book in my hand,
but
it wouldn't hurt
to have a good friend
by my side.

Saturnine

saturnine: adj. having a gloomy or morose temperament

Petulant

petulant: adj. easily or frequently annoyed, especially over trivial matters; childishly irritable

Let me begin by saying...

I am a writer.
But I haven't been writing.

I am a student.
But I haven't been studying.

I am loved and in love,
But it isn't ever as simple as it sounds on paper
is it?

Life is full of contradictions, confirmations and confusions.
But I love it!

I want to travel.
There is much to see in the world.
But the only person I want to be with
is far from close and closer than far.
And I can't be there.

Sometimes I make wishes,
But only my prayers come true.

I don't know a lot of things.
I just know that I am me.

And, you know, I guess that's all that really matters,
cuz I like being ME!